Thoughts on leaving church
Jim Palmer wrote a couple of books that I’d like to check out… somehow i found his blog instead. Recently he wrote about his experience and thoughts on “church” which I find myself mostly agreeing with… Then i read the comments, and it really got me thinking… this is my response to his post, but mostly the comments:
I have not “left” church, though I have considered it and have been burned and scarred badly by “church.” But as I considered leaving the institution of church I realized that it seems completely counter productive. If relationships are rightly at the heart of the Church (capital C, aka the Kingdom of God (here-after KoG)), than abandoning the people within the institution is unmerited and ill-advised. This is not to say that my role is to “save” people from the institution of church, rather it is to say that the role of church can be to aide in finding those very relationships that the Kingdom of God thrives on.
The church is an avenue for doing work in the KoG. However, one of my mantra’s to live reminds me the importance of seeing church only as a singular avenue and not the only avenue: Church should not be the fulfillment of ministry in your life, rather it should be an extension of ministry lived out through your daily life.
(This statement in and of itself opens so many doors that pastors and pro-institutioners do not want to walk through… doors i’ll willingly open if anyone wants to go this route, but alas, this post is not designed to address and break down this mantra.)
Part of the truth is that I do not trust myself to develop the opportunities to serve the KoG without my hand being held. Although I am finding more and more that any ministry that God does allow to flow from me is flowing less and less through the doors of my current church and more and more through the lives of the relationships I have built over a wide variety of means. And this is where it all ties together. Of the people who challenge me the most to action, I have at one time or another attended the same church they attended. Had I completely abandoned the institution, I would not have the same relationships that I have now. In other words, when we abandon church, we inadvertently throw the baby out with the bath water. Case in point:
Darla comments: “i “left” almost 3 years ago. and we have been in detox this whole time. trying desperately to find people who are on this same journey that we can meet with, share life with… but we have been very lonely this entire time. ”
Loneliness comes in many forms. I have found myself lonely while my wife snuggles against me late into the night, while my daughters tackle and tickle me and while I engage life long friends in discussions of ministry, missions and the Kingdom of God. Loneliness comes from within the walls of the church and from within the walls of a Starbucks. Most begrudgingly, loneliness often comes when we are trying so desperately to seek God. Just ask the psalmist David.
During my darkest hour as it relates to church, I came to realize that I do not have to agree with my church in order to embrace the people within the church… because far more important is the KoG (which is defined by the very people in the institution) than the institution itself.So my friends can leave the church I attend and we can still do life together… I can meet with men from various walks of life, all attending separate churches and all with different backgrounds but all with a common focus of edifying each other and building the KoG.
The danger in leaving the church cold or taking a stand stating that church is the most important thing lies in the fact that it creates division among the very relationships that need to be cultivated. It does not seem fair that this happens, especially from the perspective of those who have left… Their beef is generally not with the common people in the church, rather it is with the leadership and organizational people within the church. It is with the idea of hypocrisy, christian masks, and shallow thinking. Yet, again it is counterproductive. You wish to build relationships with like-minded people but because of angst towards the church you fail to realize that the importance of like-minded people lies within the heart of those who wish to see the KoG advanced. Likewise it is counterproductive to be so pro-church/institution that you ostracize those who chose to step away.
Like-mindedness has nothing to do with the institution of the church. Our culture and society have caused our view of like-minded to be broken down by something as so simple as church attendance… (i’d venture to say that even most denominational lines cause the same problem, but again that is a different post). Like-mindedness is birthed through hearts who long to see Jesus preached and exemplified in any way possible… whether it be through a sermon on sunday morning or a song blaring through the speakers at wal mart or a movie that gives us the opportunity to teach our children about atheism or a conversation over breakfast at chick fil a. Like-mindedness is about fulfilling the great commission, edifying and equipping saints, hurting when i hurt and rejoicing when I rejoice because of the trials and victories God has allowed in our lives.
Leaving church would remove one avenue for me to find like-minded people… it would leave me lonely in my pursuit of the KoG. Unfortunately walls are immediately put up when someone says “what church do you go to?” … No matter the answer, stereotypes are immediately assessed and the first brick on the “we’re different” wall is laid… … Perhaps rather than leaving, we should encourage people to take a different view of church in order that the Church / KoG can be active and moving in all of our lives.There is not a single church that is perfect, but we are striving to build the Church to a place where it is at least somewhat worthy of the Perfect Shepard who leads it. Leaving church unfortunately often becomes the equivalent to leaving the people who we are to work side by side with in building the Kingdom… and to me, the risk is not worth it.
So, despite how I feel about the institution, I will not simply wave goodbye to the people inside. I’d rather challenge them to think differently… to think outside the walls of the institution… to think outside of the city corridors… and to think beyond the pain and hurt the church may have caused. … Look beyond yourself, see people in various walks of life… quit looking at the little-c church and start looking at the Big-C Church…
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Why did you put this:”Like-mindedness has nothing to do with the institution of the church.” - and then this a paragraph later? “Leaving church would remove one avenue for me to find like-minded people… it would leave me lonely in my pursuit of the KoG.”
I think we lack a certain creativity to find other folks to just hang out and “be church” with. But there are many of us who’ve been hurt and even abused by the institution. It’s tough to jump back on that horse, and sometimes it’s counterproductive to the healing that brings ministry back.
To answer your first question… let me phrase it this way… “Like-mindedness has nothing to do with the institution of the church, but it is an avenue for me to find people who are like-minded.”
In otherwords, and kinda one of the main points i’m making, its not the walls and institution that determines like-mindedness, but there are plenty of people who love Jesus inside of those walls.
You know, if i wanted to find nudists, i’d go to a nudist colony. While i may not like all the nudist colony rules, i’m sure i’d find some nudists…
And to expand on your second paragraph… i completely agree with you. I know it appears that I pretty much closed the door on the idea that it’s okay to leave the church, but I dont feel that way necessarily. Sometimes a break is necessary, but the difficult thing lies when absolutes are laid out. Those who leave build walls against those who stay… and those who stay scoff at those who leave… its just ugliness and we need to move beyond those walls and see the people…
Your church is clothing-optional? No wonder you’re not leaving. Sheesh, I had no idea. Preach on, brother man.
If you are considering “church” as the body of Christ, then I agree leaving would be counterproductive for doing what God commands, but if church here means a lone institution of Christ followers, if you can’t agree with the practices, or don’t feel the church is right for you, or God leads you in another direction, leaving to find a better church home would be the thing to do. A church with integrity is necessary for benefit of spiritual growth. But friendships will always be friendships.
actually the discussion of leaving is not defined by either of your statements…
It is choosing not to attend any institution of Christians but not leaving the body of Christ. Preferably those that “leave” hope to find fellowship and gather with other Christians on a relational level, which certainly qualifies as remaining connected to the body of Christ, but there is often great difficulty in doing.
Its when you get tired of ALL churches, so you simply stop going. I don’t think this is always a bad thing and if you can build meaningful, edifying relationships… if so then great. Unfortunately most of the people I know or have talked to that leave church altogether rarely find the fellowship that we are wired to have… they lose the connection and become disillusioned with more than just “church”.
Institutional churches (that’s the majority of them) will tell you the connection happens AT church / within the walls, which is incorrect. But the church, among other things, does allow the opportunity to find and build relationships which is where the real connection happens.
I agree with you that it isn’t the best thing for believers to just leave the institution of church. God created it as a way for us to come together and encourage each other to continue to ‘fight the good fight’, to grow in our own walks of faith, and be an avenue to work through to help reach others for Christ.
I believe the whole point and purpose of the church is to 1) encourage and edify beleivers 2) Educate…meaning we should be growing in our knowledge of who God is and our purpose here and the church should be a part of this process (which does not relinquish our own responsibility to do this on our own as well…but the church is suppossed to be a part of this) and 3) Evangelize. I believe if a church isn’t making these three things their priority (and in the order that they we listed even) that is when trouble happens.
Like you said, no church is perfect…and we should never expect perfection from a church. I know what it feels like to be burned badly from a church and not really feeling all that excited about jumping back into the church thing or begining the process of finding a new church….but when we’ve been burned we have to continue to press on. We are relational beings in need of spiritual connection with others..this is how God created us. And for those that are reading that have left the church I just want to encourage you by saying that there are healthy churches out there that will light your fire for the Lord. They exist. Take your bad experiences as learning experiences. I still hurt from being burned but boy did I learn so much and that has helped a ton in looking for and finding a church that has reignited my passion and fire for the Lord and the lost.
Well I’ll stop now before this gets too long. I’m not quite as articulate as my husband but I just had to share my thoughts.
I recently emailed a letter to my pastor resigning my membership from the church, not from being a child of God. I was just so excited when I got saved that I signed up for membership immediately after I got baptized. It’s been almost two years since and I have come to the conclusion that the particular church is not the right fit for me. The people have been loving and kind to my family and I. However, I have grown so fast in the Lord, that I need food not milk. I need to be encouraged, edified and strengthened and I do not feel that my needs are being met. I do not dislike the leadership or the people in the church. I humbly respect God’s authority and his will for allowing the church to exist and to grow and who am I to talk against what he allows.