Shift Your Paradigm

Here’s what I hope to accomplish: encouragement, edification, solutions, opportunities, vision, hope.

Here’s what I hope to avoid: biting criticism, one-up-menship, problems without possibilities, attention directed towards me – i.e., I’m not trying to toot my own horn but as a point of reference, sometimes I will talk about me/my family.

Here’s what I want you to know: If you feel I reference you or your blog, please don’t take it personally. There are thousands of other blogs / posts just like the one you think I’m taking a shot at just as there are thousands more out there that are hashing out the same things I am below.

You ready? … Let’s tango…

Neither my wife nor I grew up with much. Her family hovered around the poverty line often dipping below it, and looking back I’d project my family was usually officially on the lower end middle class. When we got married I made $600 a month and she was not able to work. We were blessed with family members who couldn’t help much but did anyway. I am forever indebted to those who paid for my car insurance, provided us with a cell phone, provided free room and board when necessary, and even to all of you who pay taxes which allowed us to survive through government programs such as Medicaid and WIC for my children (*gasp*!). I’m indebted to the very few people who told me that moving to Tennessee was a mistake and the one who offered me a decent paying job to convince me to stay here. Granted, I still pretty much despise Texas, but my life is here and the job allowed us to eventually become who we are today… (and hey, all of you tax payers are indebted to him as well cause he in effect helped get us off of those programs). Any time my predisposition towards depression starts rearing it’s ugly head (well, there’s something you didn’t know about me), I am reminded of the full measure of blessing that God continues to pour out on my family.

It is because of God’s blessings that my wife and I decided very early on to be a family that turns those blessings to others as much as possible, whether through deed or funds. Often our spirits fight our flesh on how much or how little… we allow our materialism to get the best of us or we allow our spirits to be puffed with pride “look at all the good we’ve done!” forgetting that the opportunity to bless is fulfilled through Christ, not by our own provisioning. So we are a work in progress but a heart of giving is engrained into our family vision…

Fast forward to last Christmas: my seven year old and two year old are showing me glimpses of my childhood… counting presents the night before to make sure both kids have the same amount… trying to determine who got the best gifts from the rest of the family… using phrases like “that’s it?” and “I want…” and “that’s mine!” … you know, typical kids stuff.

But it helped me realize that we were being counter-productive with our children. Live life all year long as a giving family, but spend Christmas as a selfish one. Sure we teach them that “Jesus is the Reason for the Season!” and we need to “Keep Christ in Christmas” but very few of us live it out.

This year, for our family, we wanted to change it; so far we have. We’ve invited others along for the ride and the response has been amazing. I have a lot of people to thank for helping us as a family be able to shift our paradigm concerning Christmas… both my mom and dad who have been receptive and encouraging and for being very giving throughout my life despite rarely having anything to give… my sister and her husband who sowed the seeds of this several years ago… my sister-in-law and her husband for taking ownership of the vision… my wonderful eight year old daughter who graciously accepted less so that others can have more…

At this point the story could end… those of you reading would be left with a purposefully unfinished story about a paradigm shift… you might think to yourself “oh that’s nice” and move on. Unfortunately I do not feel the story ends here…

Rather, this is where the story begins: I feel Christmas has become the most hypocritical season for the majority of Christians. And I fell smack in the middle of this statement for the majority of my life (let’s see, this will be my 27th Christmas, and the first one in which I don’t focus the majority of my time, energy and resources (money) on myself or my immediate family and close friends… yeah, I’d say that’s a majority of my life).

–Before I move on, let me issue the obligatory disclaimer. Obviously there are many many people and families who use this time to truly be a blessing to those in need.—

If we take an honest look at how most Christ followers live throughout the year, we’d see a wide variety of things. But for the most part, we’d see people who at least during part of the year try to sacrifice their time to volunteer at a church outreach, or spend time with a friend who they know are hurting and just need a shoulder to lean on. Enter Dec – We say “Jesus is the reason for the season” while spending the majority of our time, resources, and energy focusing on our immediate family and friends.

The good news is that I do think most Christ followers do a pretty good job of at least doing something during this time. Most churches provide an angel tree or a food drive or a community marketing outreach program so that we can drop off a few unopened items we find around our house and pat ourselves on the back. We donate a little extra to charity and pray that it goes a long way. And, please, by all means hear me on this… Those things really do make an impact on lives and they should in no way be eliminated!

But if we claim that Christ has called us to bless others year round, why during this season do we spend so much time, energy, and resources focusing only on those we love and not on those in need? – although it is truly a blessing when the two overlap and God allows us to bless those we love because they have a great need – We claim that we as Christians have not done enough to be noticed at Christmas anymore, but we continue to make sure our children and our spouses are happy with the amount of “love” we spend on them. We claim that we want to see the vast amount of resources available in America move beyond just re-feeding the American machine, but we feed into the trend ourselves at Christmas. We claim we need not feel guilty or convicted every time we walk by a ringing bell outside of target or Wal-Mart because we’ve already done our part, but our ratio of “giving” to “spending” weighs more heavily on the “spending” side during Christmas than it does during any other time of the year.

Let me challenge you. Shift your paradigm. Do not just say you want Christ to be central at Christmas, make Him central. Shift your focus of the three I’ve been harping on… time, energy and resources. If Christ is central during this time, than our focus of these three things should be balanced in the least, if not heavily weighted towards others rather than ourselves, our family, and our closest friends.

Before I go one, let me offer one more disclaimer… as my story indicates, not every family is in a situation to give. If this is you, please do not feel as if I am speaking to you. Instead be encouraged that God has blessed you by sustaining you where you are at and pray that He grows you in your situation so that you may be a vessel by which He pours his blessings into other families.

Let me offer you opportunities. Some of these we are practicing, some of these we hope to practice, some of these we probably will never practice but they are good avenues as well. We know we’re just starting and it’d be pretty difficult to do all of these in one Christmas season, but at least do something.

* Budget your Christmas spending, how much you want to spend on kids, family, friends, and parties (most of us do this to a degree already). Now cut it in half and take the half you cut out and invest it into the lives of those who need it the most who are not already on your Christmas list. The truth is most adults don’t need what you’ll buy them and most kids will only play with the toys for a few months at the MOST.

* If you have kids, take them shopping… for someone else. If possible, get a name, face and age from a local charity or get a list of needs and desires for their “gift pantry.” Make your kids own the service project… teach them to be excited about helping others in need. After you’ve gone shopping, let them drop the toys and necessities off at the charity.

* Try to find an organization or project that will allow you to be hands on in the delivery of gifts or food. Take your kids with you. If you’re without kids, take friends with you. See the faces of those in need light up, then do everything you can to share the Love of Christ with them. There are fewer and fewer opportunities for this, but if you’re in the Dallas area, check out KLTY’s Christmas Wish.

* Buy a lot of food at a fast food restaurant… drive around the inner city a few days before Christmas and pass out the food to the homeless. Share Christ. Offer hope. Get to know their names (they are people after all). Follow up with those who are most receptive to conversation. Tell them “I’ll be back ___ if you want to talk more.” Next time, take them to a restaurant.

* Take advantage of the programs and projects your Church is offering on top of anything else you are doing. They’re offering it because it is still needed. Don’t ignore it just because you’ve “already done your part.”

* Volunteer at a charity that affects your community. Often the only reason the charities can do any good at all is because of the people that go in once or twice a month and organize everything. If possible, take your kids too.

* Move beyond helping out just Christian families in need. Don’t ignore them by any means, but step outside your comfort zone and show your spiritual “enemies” that Christ died for all, and His mercy and blessings extend to all.

* Don’t flaunt it as you do it. If so, God will still bless those you are hoping to bless and you will have your reward, but eventually, when the recognition wears off you’ll lose passion for making a difference… ( I know, here I am telling you that we are now doing something … but you don’t know to what degree and unless you’re a part of it, you don’t know what specifically we are doing… I feel uncomfortable even writing this whole essay, but I am challenged and encouraged that together the paradigm of Christmas among Christians can be shifted.)

* Don’t hide it from everyone. Find people in your life who are like minded and sell them your vision of giving that God lays on your heart. Be contagious.

* Allow yourself to be inspired and motivated by others. Do not look at someone who has an abundance of resources and say “man if I had that much money, I could make a difference too!” You have something, invest it. If you’re having a difficult time finding any resources, revisit your Christmas budget, you’re more than likely missing the point. If all you can find is what seems miniscule, see below…

* Encourage your friends or extended family to join you. While you may only be able to invest a hundred bucks (or less), four or five families together can make a huge impact. Don’t skimp out on what you can do if you realize that they are not giving as much as you, build the blessing. Likewise do not be discouraged if they are giving more, be encouraged that God is using a group of you to be a blessing in someone else’s life.

* Likewise, enable those around you. Perhaps your heart does not break for the homeless. Rather than feel guilty about it or ignore it, find a friend who has shown compassion for this group and help him/her make an impact. We all bleed red, but we bleed for different reasons. Enable those who bleed differently than you do.

* In every situation in which you are allowing God to use you to bless others, keep the conversation moving towards Christ. Not in an in-your-face kinda way, but in a conversational manner.

* Maybe most importantly, live it all year. Use Christmas or other holidays to further drive home the principle to your children and to further encourage you in your vision, but make it a lifestyle.

Shift your paradigm…