I need to preface this review by saying I have never read a book from cover to cover about parenting, much less specifically about fatherhood. I’ve been a father for over ten years now, but I admit that I have much to learn. So why haven’t I read a parenting book up to this point? I dunno. Maybe pride, maybe because I’ve done a pretty decent job so far, maybe I just haven’t found the right books to keep my attention. In any case, I wanted to give this one a fair shot.
The central concept of Influence Of A Father is the idea of transference: You can’t give away that which you do not have. As such, Tom focuses each chapter on two ideas. First, do you, the reader/father, own, practice, and reflect the Biblical value discussed in chapter; and second, once you do, how can you and why should you transfer it to your children. This does open the door for some very base level discussions about values that I already hold to in my life. As such, I found myself skimming parts of some chapters that dealt with the heart of the reader rather than the art of transference. For this same reason, I barely touched the “Concluding Thoughts” at the end of each chapter, a two paragraph section focusing on self-evaluation questions.
This isn’t to say I skimmed parts of EVERY chapter; indeed, many of the values I thought I held were challenged and enhanced through this book. The three chapter section on Discipline, a subject I felt I have handled consistently and fairly throughout the years, illuminated areas within my disciplinary values that I had never thought through. Am I disciplining for the here and now only? or to instill life long values in my children? I hope the purpose is long term, but I also see definite times where the only thing I care about is getting the here and now controlled. While that is natural, it also opens the door for me to discipline when discipline is not really in order, or worse, to discipline without teaching and helping my children avoid mistakes in the future.
Other highlights include and outstanding chapter on mentoring and the role it plays in fathering. The wisdom in this chapter transcends fatherhood and can apply to any mentor relationship. Tom also provides a breakdown of unhealthy tendencies that fathers often embrace, how to find strength through partnership with your wife, and even what to do when kids go rogue (a discussion of the Prodigal Son parable).
From a standpoint of style, it is pretty predictable. Stories of his own childhood and fatherhood highlight his points, while scripture peppers the meat of his discussions. Tom is both straightforward and compassionate, understanding that fatherhood is a difficult task that many of us don’t feel up for, but he refuses to back down due to the heaviness our influence carries. All in all, it was a great read for me. I’m not too far along where I am set in my ways, and my eldest is not too far developed for me to fix some of the subtle things that I would like to do better. Besides, I still have two that are 5 or younger, and at least one more in the plans. My hope and prayer is that God will continue to impart wisdom into my life in order to see my children grow into the adults God desires them to be… God knows I can’t do it on my own!
Bottom Line: 4 out of 5 stars for content and usability.
Your Thoughts