We grew up together; now we blog together. In the B/S Chronicles you’ll get to experience viewpoints from a brother/sister team…who may or may not always see things eye-to-eye.
A short Compare / Contrast between Coffee Drinkers and Beer Drinkers:
Let’s start with contrast…
* There is no such thing as a casual Coffee Drinker; you are either all in, or not in at all. Newbie Coffee drinkers may appear casual, but in reality they are simply too fresh to know the lingo and embrace the culture fully.
* There are a plethora of casual beer drinkers.
* Coffee Drinkers are elitist. If the coffee sucks, the drinker takes on the personality of the taste: Bitter and Dark.
* Beer drinkers see beer as an means to and end, thus quality matters dependent on the end. If the goal is to wind down and feel refreshed / relaxed, the beer of choice certainly matters. However, if the goal is to get plastered, any piece of crap beer will do.
* Coffee Drinkers are great at feigning thankfulness. Because they are elitist, only the best quality of coffee will do. So when someone who knows nothing about coffee buys them a bag of horrid coffee, they appear grateful, but on the inside they take one of three approaches: a) they cuss you out, b) they pity your obvious menial mind, c) they pity you and then cuss you out when you ask how it tasted the next time you see them.
* Beer Drinkers high five you and immediately set aside the case of nastiness for the next time they want to get plastered.
* Coffee Drinkers are at least sensible. Yes, they’re elitist, but at least it’s based on reason and logic rather than idiocracy. To better illustrate this point…
* Beer Drinkers are far too easily swayed by marketing. Blue Mountains when it’s cold? A logo at the bottom of the bottle? Venting Can tops? and now… coming soon… vortex bottles. Sheesh.
On to the similarities:
* Coffee Drinkers are excuse makers. If they don’t have their coffee, they have free reign to act like the scum of the earth.
* Beer Drinkers are excuse seekers. “I’ve had a rough day, i need a beer”… “I’ve had a great day, lets grab a beer.” … “I need to vent, pass me a beer.” … “I just want to relax and enjoy the quiet night with a beer.” … “Oh good God made the good earth so we could harvest good beer.” … “OH GOOD GOD! WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED!?!?! PASS ME A BEER!”
* Both Coffee Drinkers and Beer Drinkers have a lingo and value set that only those within the culture can understand. I have no idea why they freeze coffee and couldn’t tell you the difference between dark beer, light beer, wheat beer, white beer, or whatever else. I think I made at least one of those up.
* Both groups claim it is an acquired taste. If this is true, it reminds me of the women who wear high heels and complain about their feet the whole time.
* I love both groups equally, and I’m pretty sure Jesus does too… but if I had to guess, I’d say he slightly favors the beer drinkers only because beer drinkers show less favoritism. I know, it’s kind of a paradox… let’s just stick with He loves them equally.
Conclusion:
If you are a Coffee Drinker… I pray we only cross paths after your morning brew, and I promise to do everything I can to avoid giving you low-quality beans as gifts.
If you are a Beer Drinker… I pray your ends are always well placed, and I promise to do everything I can to give you adequate reason to celebrate our friendship with a beer.
If you are both a Coffee Drinker and a Beer Drinker… oh good Lord, I’ll just pray for your sanity.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
As always, check out the sister side of Coffee (yes, Coffee) here… Btw, she’s definitely a Coffee Drinker…
Pingback: The B/S Chronicles: Coffee « Me on Mission
You need a cup of coffee. Or a beer. I think I like your sister better.
I’m definitely a coffee drinker? so you think I’m an excuse-making, ungrateful elitist? At least I’m sensible.
well….
…
remember, it’s only within the context of Coffee that these foundational truths of excuse making and elitism take place. And perhaps you are too fresh in this culture to have fully grasped your coffee drinking identity… At least Rick sides with you
in all other areas of life, you are most humble, thankful, and honest.
well, and i thought my great habit was socially acceptable——–guess I’m going to have to reevaluate—-NOT!!!!!! I was feeling bad till
you chose beer drinkers over coffee drinkers. that’s when I discovered I was OK.
I’ll stick with hot chocolate or Coke Zero.
i think a better comparison for you would be coffee to DP…at least then you would know half of what you are talking about
i’d also like to add one more similarity…both think they are drinking that blessed juice of God
I really liked that coffee / beer post, I had to post it to Facebook. For the most part you got the whole coffee / beer drinker culture down.
As a coffee snob I definately only like to drink my brews, but I’m terrible at feigning thankfulness. If its good stuff I won’t hesitate to praise who ever made the batch, but if it isn’t I won’t say anything. I’ll just take a sip and leave the cup on the nearest horizontal surface.
I agree that most beer drinker are gullible. I actually found your post while looking into this vortex bottle. I’m guessing this so called improvement in their beer delivery system is just its answer to Sam Adams new fangled glass, with its laser etched bottom to release the hop aroma from the beer. Of course with most macrobeer there isn’t any hop aroma, hop is used mostly for bittering purposes. But most macro beer drinkers don’t know this so just like those thermo pictures they’ll buy into the marketing.
As you can tell I’m also a beer geek, if geek = snob, so as a final note let me help you understand the different terms you posted on your blog entry.
Dark beer has to do with the roast of the specialty grains used in making the beer. They lend a nuttiness to the batch running from toasty as in brown and ambers to burnt toast noted in porters and stouts
Wheat in beer produces more bread notes, and a thicker head. White, or weisse beer, can also be a wheat beer. A favorite wheat / white / wisse beer of mine is Hefeweisse. A hefeweisse can either have a Banana & clove flavor to it, or more clove than banana. Some drinkers would notice its smokey flavor.
As for lite beer, thats just marketing speak for diet. Mostly they use rise or corn as an adjunct, in place of some of the malt sugar normally drived from Barley. It gives a the beer a thinner mouth feel, and less flavor. But if one were drinking a macro brew to begin with there wasn’t much flavor to miss anyways.
But thanks again for that humorous post.
Pingback: I don’t like coffee. And I’m fine with that. | Blake Thompson daht Net